When Everything You Believe In Is Shattered

Everyone stands for something.  I always stood for love and family.  I believed in putting others, especially my loved ones, before myself.  I believed in doing the right thing.  I believed in sacrificing my own needs for the best of everyone around me for whom I loved and cared for.  I believed in guiding and supporting each other through difficult times.  I believed in fighting for one another.  I believed in allowing each individual to be and do what is true for him/herself.  I believed in freedom and doing what it is you are meant to do.  And I believed in the heart and soul of myself and of those around me.  I never once ever believed that the people whom I called family would turn out to be who they really were.  Not once.

Everything came crashing down, when my husband chose whores over me and his little girls.  When he decided to take me down instead of lifting me up and allowing me to live.  Instead of sacrificing for once in his life.  That was when my heart broke and was shattered into a million pieces.  When the man I loved and cared for took my life from me and never looked back, except for when he wanted to show me his devilish grin.  To clarify the satisfaction he was getting out of ruining my life.

All my family had to do was be there for me and allow me to be me.  That was it.  But instead, they each took out a knife and chased me around with their haunting ideas of who they wanted me to be.  They attacked and drilled me on the daily.  Pretending they had my best interest at heart.  When in reality, they knew exactly whose interest they had.  Their own.  They knew exactly what they were doing and where they were going with all of their demonizing attacks.  Each one bigger and uglier than the one before.  Because if they didn’t stop, then they’d have to be face to face with their reality.  And no one wanted to see that.  So, they continued to drill the one person who could save them all.  And that was me.  But how could I save anyone when they were butchering, sabotaging, stealing and suffocating me.  How.  And when I couldn’t make any real connections with any of them because everyone was lying.  How.

That was when everything I believed in was shattered.

But this is life.  And this is the cold reality of how things work.  So unless I just jump in this dance and accept this dance of chaos, lies and betrayal, I won’t make it through.  So I have to just learn to adapt to all of it whether it was aligned or not.  For now, this is what it is.  They did what they did.  I fought the way I fought.  I tried the way I tried.  I yielded the way I yielded.  I surrendered the way I surrendered.  And I grew and learned the way I grew and learned.  It wasn’t what I was expecting or felt during all of those times but it was what each witch wanted and intended for me.  Go figure.  As if they had a right over me and my life the way that they did.  But again, its me surrendering to all of them while they act like leaders and women of the world.

And because of all of this, I had to watch my beliefs of empowering women go down the drain.  Because I was supposed to be on top, not at the bottom.  I was supposed to flow, not be dragged around like some rag doll.  And I was supposed to be working side by side with some of these women, not the way they made it.  But again, I will accept and keep moving forward in hopes of getting out of their webs.

And I will hold true to my belief in love and family despite all of this darkness and madness.  And I will keep my belief that good things do happen to good people.  And that karma does come around and that whatever is meant to be will be no matter what they try to do to switch things up.

And so I will not let them shatter any more of my life or of my beliefs.  Because I do believe that everything will turn out to be OK.  I have to.  My life depends on it.    No matter what has already transpired.

 

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