Staying quiet when all you want to do is speak up causes you even more pain and suffering on top of what you are already going through. That is why it is important to stand up for yourself and tell your story. To speak up and let it all out. Because an untold story is an unhealed story and it will eat you up inside.
My abuser was very good at isolating me, spreading rumors and lies about me, instilling fear in me, all while he was running around looking like a superhero. Like he was some sort of father of the year. Or some man of the century. Or something like that. Not sure, what he was going for but whatever it was, it was all one big facade. One big white lie. One big carnival circus. One big act after the other. Whatever could give him more time on making himself look like the good guy and making me look like the one at fault. And what I have seen recently is that he is making himself now look like the “victim”. And he’s putting on a good show too. He plays the victim when it is ripe to do so. When the masks are close to falling off and his truth is about to be revealed. That’s when he wants you to feel sorry for him. Hmmm, I wonder why.
I was on social media this morning and I accidentally came across a picture he posted. And mind you, he’s got a lot of “friends” and a lot of “likes”. People talk to him. People believe him. People think I’m the bad one and he’s the good one. But then again, why wouldn’t they? He goes to church every Sunday. He works. He makes money. He pays his bills. He keeps the outside of “his” home immaculate for all of the neighbors to see. He takes his kids to school in the morning, which helps him with gaining his narcissistic supply. Not only from his own kids, but also from whoever else will give him the time of day.
He tells everyone what a terrible cheater I was when I couldn’t have been more faithful. Seriously. I’m actually embarrassed to say this and feel like a total loser but I never once cheated on that man. Not once. Not until long after my first breakdown when I knew I wanted out. But ask him and he’ll say I was a cheater when he knows the truth and when the whole time he was cheating on me. And not only did he cheat, but he cheated on me over and over again. And with my very own friends too. That’s what a great guy he was.
But what I wanted to say was that on this particular social media post, he went on to rant as if he was the victim. As if he had gone through difficult times. As if he was having a hard time with life and dealing with things. As if people should now feel sorry for him. You know, he almost had me fooled too. He sounded so genuine and honest that I almost felt bad for him. And then I remembered. And I thought, “oh no!” “Do not go down that road again.” Because he will have your head spinning and he’ll eat you for dinner. He’ll have your head feeling like its heavier than a 16 pound bowling ball while you carry the weight of all of his problems once again. (Because you don’t have enough of your own, you gotta carry his too). And before you know it, you will have forever again gone into the circle of hell with him. Doing the dance of death as he wallows through life. And you do not belong in that crazy mind game of lies anymore.
So don’t go forgetting and forgiving all that he did and being the good naive little girl you once were. Because those are the types of people he needs around him in order to survive in this life. He needs good people to save him from his truth. From his ugliness. From his evilness. Because only goodhearted people like myself, would actually give a person like that the benefit of the doubt and believe all of his candy coated stories.
So until you start speaking up and sharing the truth of what really did happen, people will believe your abuser. Because after all, he is out there running his mouth with a trail of “good guy” traits while behind the scenes he’s battering and butchering you to the ends of the earth. Keeping you from living your life and being the person you were intended to be. Sending you to the hospital breakdown after breakdown due to his chaotic wounds and words that won’t go away. Keeping you stuck and in this maze because that’s where he wants you. Belittling you to the ground. Telling you what a horrible, no good, useless person you are. Keeping you down and quiet so as you don’t spread a word about what he’s actually doing to you.
And by the time, you are out of it, he will have already gained new narcissistic supply with a new wave of victims. And he will have discarded of you long before that. Which is where I am today. I am in the discarded bunch. Yes, that’s where my lovely wonderful husband put me. And for anyone who believes all of his lies, why would it ever be OK to treat another human being this way? Especially when that person gave you everything.
It doesn’t matter what the situation is, it is never OK to treat someone like that. Ever. Especially in front of your kids. Your kids are watching you. And they are listening to every word you say. Why would you want them to remember their father treating their mother in that way? Would you want them marrying someone like that too? Would you want them to be treated that way one day? Because that is what you are showing them and it’s what they see. But you enjoyed ruining their moms life, and they’ll never forget that. Because one day, they will grow up and they will see that their father trapped their mother instead of setting her free.
And that’s the difference between me and you. And that’s the reason a good family fell apart.
And the way you react to treating someone in such a terrible way, tells the whole story. And not caring and getting a rise out of it well, that in itself, shows the person you really are. Everything else, is just a coverup.