Taking back your power from your abuser is crucial to you regaining your life and freedom. He took you down, ripped you to pieces and then walked away like nothing ever happened. He spread lies and told stories in order to lift himself up and take him on a new adventure of narcissism and control. And he took you alongside with him although you didn’t even know you were on this ride for him. You had your own thoughts and feelings of wanting to walk your journey and he bombarded that with his soul sucking vampire ways. He needed you for supply and to set himself up for new rendezvous misdemeanors. And he did just that.
You were too weak to stand up for yourself and to rip all the chains off of you. There were too many. And what’s worse is that he had other vampires working with him. That’s where the fight wasn’t fair and that’s where I lost. I lost all of my will, my power and my strength. And I needed it in order to break free. I needed it to live out the next chapter of my life. But he thought he was superior to me and my life and he just took it. Took it without looking back and when he was done, had the nerve to say to me, “Go, I don’t need you anymore.” After years of tormenting me to stay and blocking me from leaving and leading my next life, that’s what he had the nerve to do and say to me. Because that’s what emotional vampires do. They suck the life out of you and then they leave you there to die. While they go off looking for their next source of supply.
It’s sad to know that the man I loved and took care of all those years could actually do all of these things and never look back. To not feel an ounce of hurt, guilt or resentment towards himself for anything that he did. To keep telling himself the lies that he tells in order to feel good about himself and what he is doing. That is just what he does and how it works for him. He was so afraid of me breaking free that he had to stop me and he used every angle to do it. The mind bashing angle, the energy sucking angle and the gas lighting angle. He cornered me and blocked me so I couldn’t get out. But I am and I will. Because I am not meant to be trapped and blocked by some big old empty bulldozer of a bully. I’m just not. I’m better than that and I deserve to live this life out just like everyone else.
Who is he to take that away from me? Who is he to take away my life? Who is he to say I can’t break free because of his insecurities and jealousy? Who is he to say I’m not allowed to be me? Who is he to say he is better than everyone else and that he can take away my power as a woman? Who is he? That was mine and it’s still mine. And I will take it back whether he likes it or not.
First, I will work on myself. I will work on regaining who I am, where I am and where I stand. I will start working again and making my own money. I will do things that make me happy and fill me up again. I will stand up for myself and tell my story. I will surround myself with people who love and support me. And I will try hard to accept what happened, let go of the past and forgive. Those are the things that are necessary for me in order to move on and regain my sense of self worth.
Sooner or later, his rigged superpower will dwindle out and he’ll be faced with his truth. His lies, his emptiness, his control and sabotage. And as people start to see who he really is and what he really did, without the energy he drained me of, he will go down on his own. And until then I will focus on me and on my new life free of control and abuse.
As long as I keep ruminating on the past and hating on him I will keep giving him power. And I don’t want to do that anymore. He’s really a nobody (normally, I wouldn’t say that about anyone. But after what he’s put me through, I think I have every right to do so) at the core of it all. He just did some terrible things and got attention for it. That is why it is imperative that I stop giving him this status and power, forgive him for all he’s done, and send him on his way. Only then can I fully heal and regain the power that I lost. The power of just being me.